Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
