Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
