Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
