I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
