Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am one with the molecules
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