I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im holly from the hills drunk
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her facebook's as public as her vagina
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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