I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
