what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
