he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
