Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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