Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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