I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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