two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We got so high we made milksteak
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
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there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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