She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
