I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
