okay pat passed out under dana's car
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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