seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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