so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
