i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
