I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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