I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
