My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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