We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
