proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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