I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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