My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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