Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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