found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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