Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
