I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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