he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
