I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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