My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I deserve this hangover.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
