ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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