my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
