If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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