Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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