I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
do nipples grow back?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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