So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
