ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
