Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
