Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
