Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
