I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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