I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
