Can Purell be used as lube?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
