Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I pour the whiskey from now on
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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