Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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