He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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