You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
