I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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