Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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