In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
