this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
