hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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