I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
