you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
