My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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