No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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