she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
