You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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