the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
