Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
