what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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