i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
