i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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