THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
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Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
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Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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