also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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