So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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