Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
