last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
