I'm jealous of your bromance
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
