I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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