Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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