I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
