is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
